Conversation Starters That Go Beyond Small Talk

We’ve all been there: a gathering where the conversation feels stuck in a loop of “What do you do?” or “How have you been?” While these questions aren’t inherently bad, they rarely open the door to meaningful dialogue.

At Âme Atendre, we believe that gatherings create opportunities for connection, curiosity, and shared stories. With a little intention, you can spark deeper conversations that turn small talk into moments of real connection.

Here are a few conversation starters to inspire meaningful dialogue at your next gathering.

Brené Brown’s Rumble Language

Brené Brown describes a “rumble” as a conversation grounded in curiosity, openness, and vulnerability. It’s about showing up with an open heart and mind, leaning into discomfort, and being willing to engage in honest dialogue. At social gatherings, this approach can transform surface-level chatter into meaningful connections.

Adapting Brown’s rumble language to a social setting means replacing small talk with questions that invite storytelling and understanding. It’s about staying curious and genuinely engaging with others to create a space where everyone feels seen and valued.

Rumble Starters

Here’s Brown’s cheatsheet of rumble language:

• “I’m curious about…”
• “Tell me more.”
• “I’m wondering…”
• “Help me understand.”
• “Walk me through that.”
• “What’s your passion around this?”

Priya Parker’s Magical Question Equation

The moment has arrived: everyone is seated around the table, the conversation is flowing, and the atmosphere feels warm and inviting. It’s the perfect time to ask what Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, calls a “magical question.”

The magical question equation is “a question that’s both interesting to each person to answer, and each person would be curious to hear everyone else’s response.” These questions spark curiosity, encourage storytelling, and bring the group together in shared reflection. They transform a casual conversation into a meaningful moment, creating deeper connections around the table.

Magical Questions to Try When You’re Around the Table:

• “What was a small but meaningful moment for you this week?”
• “What’s something you’ve learned recently that changed how you see the world?”
• “Who has inspired you lately, and why?”
• Perfect for January: “What was your favorite moment of the past year, and what do you want to learn in the year ahead?”

Ashley Gould: Going Beyond “How Are You?”

When conversations begin with “How are you?” the answers are often predictable and surface-level. Âme Atendre founder Ashley Gould encourages us to rethink the classic icebreaker question, especially in settings where deeper connections are possible. Instead of asking a routine question, try something more specific and tangible. These types of questions give the other person something concrete to respond to, creating opportunities for follow-ups and richer dialogue.

Questions to Try Instead of “How Are You?”

• “How do you know [the host]?”
• “What were you doing before this?”
• “What are you doing after this?”
• “Where did you get that shirt? I love it!”
• “What’s a dish you’ve made recently that you’re proud of?”

For more of Ashley’s reflections on meaningful conversations, read the full blog post here.

Esther Perel’s Listening Lens

In a culture that often prioritizes speaking over listening, Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and author, invites us to “turn the lens on you” by centering gatherings around deep, reflective questions. Much like Priya Parker’s idea of the “magical question,” Perel emphasizes the power of a single, well-chosen prompt to bring people together. By unifying your guests around one meaningful question, you encourage both self-reflection and the kind of listening that fosters genuine connection.

At a recent dinner, Perel asked her guests, “What is a relationship question you have at this moment?” The responses ranged from lighthearted to deeply personal, offering a glimpse into each guest’s unique world and sparking meaningful conversations. Both Perel and Parker share the belief that the right question can create a shared experience, allowing guests to connect on a deeper level while remaining curious about each other’s answers.

Questions for Listening

Here are some gathering questions Perel recommends you try out at your next gathering (shared meal or not):

• “What would you tell your 20-year-old self?”
• “What is a lesson you’ve learned from heartbreak?”
• “When did you know you were no longer a child?”
• “What’s a conversation you know you need to have with yourself?”
• “Describe a time when you changed your mind.”
• “What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?”

Gather with Intention and Curiosity

At Âme Atendre, we believe that meaningful gatherings are the foundation of true connection. By creating intentional spaces where curiosity and vulnerability thrive, we help people connect to what truly matters. As you gather with loved ones or strangers soon to become friends, good questions guide you toward deeper dialogue, shared stories, and the kind of connections that lead to meaningful memories.