Conversation Starters That Go Beyond Small Talk

Weโ€™ve all been there: a gathering where the conversation feels stuck in a loop of โ€œWhat do you do?โ€ or โ€œHow have you been?โ€ While these questions arenโ€™t inherently bad, they rarely open the door to meaningful dialogue.

At ร‚me Atendre, we believe that gatherings create opportunities for connection, curiosity, and shared stories. With a little intention, you can spark deeper conversations that turn small talk into moments of real connection.

Here are a few conversation starters to inspire meaningful dialogue at your next gathering.

Brenรฉ Brownโ€™s Rumble Language

Brenรฉ Brown describes a โ€œrumbleโ€ as a conversation grounded in curiosity, openness, and vulnerability. Itโ€™s about showing up with an open heart and mind, leaning into discomfort, and being willing to engage in honest dialogue. At social gatherings, this approach can transform surface-level chatter into meaningful connections.

Adapting Brownโ€™s rumble language to a social setting means replacing small talk with questions that invite storytelling and understanding. Itโ€™s about staying curious and genuinely engaging with others to create a space where everyone feels seen and valued.

Rumble Starters

Hereโ€™s Brownโ€™s cheatsheet of rumble language:

  • “Iโ€™m curious about…”
  • “Tell me more.”
  • “Iโ€™m wondering…”
  • “Help me understand.”
  • “Walk me through that.”
  • “Whatโ€™s your passion around this?”

Priya Parkerโ€™s Magical Question Equation

The moment has arrived: everyone is seated around the table, the conversation is flowing, and the atmosphere feels warm and inviting. Itโ€™s the perfect time to ask what Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, calls a โ€œmagical question.โ€

The magical question equation is โ€œa question thatโ€™s both interesting to each person to answer, and each person would be curious to hear everyone elseโ€™s response.โ€ These questions spark curiosity, encourage storytelling, and bring the group together in shared reflection. They transform a casual conversation into a meaningful moment, creating deeper connections around the table.

Magical Questions to Try When Youโ€™re Around the Table:

  • โ€œWhat was a small but meaningful moment for you this week?โ€
  • โ€œWhatโ€™s something youโ€™ve learned recently that changed how you see the world?โ€
  • โ€œWho has inspired you lately, and why?โ€
  • Perfect for January: โ€œWhat was your favorite moment of the past year, and what do you want to learn in the year ahead?โ€

Ashley Gould: Going Beyond โ€œHow Are You?โ€

When conversations begin with โ€œHow are you?โ€ the answers are often predictable and surface-level. ร‚me Atendre founder Ashley Gould encourages us to rethink the classic icebreaker question, especially in settings where deeper connections are possible. Instead of asking a routine question, try something more specific and tangible. These types of questions give the other person something concrete to respond to, creating opportunities for follow-ups and richer dialogue.

Questions to Try Instead of โ€œHow Are You?โ€

  • โ€œHow do you know [the host]?โ€
  • โ€œWhat were you doing before this?โ€
  • โ€œWhat are you doing after this?โ€
  • โ€œWhere did you get that shirt? I love it!โ€
  • โ€œWhatโ€™s a dish youโ€™ve made recently that youโ€™re proud of?โ€

For more of Ashleyโ€™s reflections on meaningful conversations, read the full blog post here.

Esther Perelโ€™s Listening Lens

In a culture that often prioritizes speaking over listening, Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and author, invites us to โ€œturn the lens on youโ€ by centering gatherings around deep, reflective questions. Much like Priya Parkerโ€™s idea of the โ€œmagical question,โ€ Perel emphasizes the power of a single, well-chosen prompt to bring people together. By unifying your guests around one meaningful question, you encourage both self-reflection and the kind of listening that fosters genuine connection.

At a recent dinner, Perel asked her guests, โ€œWhat is a relationship question you have at this moment?โ€ The responses ranged from lighthearted to deeply personal, offering a glimpse into each guestโ€™s unique world and sparking meaningful conversations. Both Perel and Parker share the belief that the right question can create a shared experience, allowing guests to connect on a deeper level while remaining curious about each otherโ€™s answers.

Questions for Listening

Here are some gathering questions Perel recommends you try out at your next gathering (shared meal or not):

  • โ€œWhat would you tell your 20-year-old self?โ€
  • โ€œWhat is a lesson youโ€™ve learned from heartbreak?โ€
  • โ€œWhen did you know you were no longer a child?โ€
  • โ€œWhatโ€™s a conversation you know you need to have with yourself?โ€
  • โ€œDescribe a time when you changed your mind.โ€
  • โ€œWhatโ€™s the best piece of advice youโ€™ve ever received?โ€

Gather with Intention and Curiosity

At ร‚me Atendre, we believe that meaningful gatherings are the foundation of true connection. By creating intentional spaces where curiosity and vulnerability thrive, we help people connect to what truly matters. As you gather with loved ones or strangers soon to become friends, good questions guide you toward deeper dialogue, shared stories, and the kind of connections that a gathering into a meaningful memory.